Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
