??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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