i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
