When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
