he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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