I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
