Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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