you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
