Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
