just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
