HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
