He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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