Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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