A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
how does that bad decision feel?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
