Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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