she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He passed out mid-signature
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
