my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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