Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
