My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
just found out that she named her cat after me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
