A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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