I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
