never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
