a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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