Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
