shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
