covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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