I'm laying in your front yard are you home
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
