My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
