She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
