White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
