im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
