No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
