and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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