shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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