He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
