hotel room ftw
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
