I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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