I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
