I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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