They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
