then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
