Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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