I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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