small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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