Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
