I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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