Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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