So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
