a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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