Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
