Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I got inside last night via doggy door
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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